Thursday, July 1, 2010

9 weeks and 2 more stitches bite the dust...

Ok, so scratch that note about being done spitting stitches... I lost 2 more last week. I think (hope) I am really done now. I look at all the other scars at PT and most of them are these nice fine white lines along every ones legs. Not me. I have somehow inherited the Frankenstein gene. Maybe it is the stitch spitting, maybe not, but it looks pretty gross to me. I guess it's a good thing vanity has never been one of my issues! : )

This summer schedule is really wearing me out. It is really hard to be full time at home mom while trying to recover. I need to figure out how to better schedule things so that I can do more with PT. I love spending the time with Little I, but it is really hard to take care of me. Not because of her. She has been such a trouper! She is 6 and wants to play and I have a really hard time putting my PT first. I sometimes get so frustrated that I can't do what I want. It has been 9 weeks since surgery and I'm still slave to this injury and it makes me grouchy. Not good for any of us. Looks like more camps and play dates are going to be in order for the rest of the summer or we may all loose our minds!

On the TKD front, I am still waiting. I don't know when I'll be able to join class again. I have been going to some of the open classes and "walking" through Big K's form with him and Little I's form with her. I am being very careful not to twist, pivot, or turn on the injured leg which makes for a very interesting looking form, but has been good for the family. I really enjoy helping them and would like to join leadership when I get back into class. I was starting the process right before the injury. Another thing that is on hold. I can do the front and middle stances with basic hand techniques and walk through the kicks. It has helped me feel a little more connected to the studio, but it is still hard to watch everyone else learning their new material and know that I still have months to go before I get to do them. The annual campground/outdoor testing is coming up and I will again watch everyone else get their new belts while I wait. If all had gone well up to this point, I would have been testing for my blue belt. It is what it is. I am trying to continue to learn by watching class and hope that when I am able to get out there on the floor again I will remember all of the things that I have learned from having this observation time.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

7 weeks

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing alright and other times I wonder if my knee will ever feel like it did before the injury. I am getting to the point where it feels pretty good, but not normal and I have weak spots with certain movements. My scar looks like Frankenstein, but on the bright side, I think I am finally done spitting stitches!! Nine in all. Four on the side, and five on the front. It is much easier and less painful to massage the scar now that they are gone.

I'm entering into the prime re injury time (8-12 weeks). I can see how people re injure easily at this point in the recovery process. The new tendon is getting to the weakest point in the recovery, but things are feeling better. A prime combination for disaster. I really want to start TKD again, but know that it will be a long time before I can really participate. For now, it's watching and "walking" through things mostly in my mind and some basic hand techniques that don't require any twisting, turning, or pivoting. It doesn't leave much, but I'm not up for taking any chances.

I had to move into the transition program at PT since our insurance only covers 20 visits for the year. Stinks, but luckily I'm doing ok and think it will work out ok. I got the ok to ride the bike very carefully around the neighborhood, but no really big hills or rough terrain yet. There is no way I want to go through this again, so easy does it. I can't wait to go out for a ride!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Happy Memorial Day

We had lots of fun this weekend with friends at the lake on Saturday, then at the parade in town today. My incisions are still not totally healed since I keep spitting stitches. It looks so gross will all of the little holes along the incision, but I guess that's just the way it is. I sat on the shore and watched little I play in the water with her goggles and snorkel which was lots of fun. The joy, and ability to live in the moment that children have is wonderful to watch on weekends like this. Very important in my recovery too. They can find joy in the smallest things and I'm trying to take that cue.

The parade today was fun. I sat in the trailer with the Tiny Tigers since I was not able to walk the route. It is so hard for me to sit by and watch everyone else do the things I used to do. I walked the short distance from the end of the parade to the cemetery for the presentations and did my best to stand throughout. I couldn't make it through the whole thing. I slowly and stiffly walked back to the trailer and sat listening and thinking that things could be a lot worse. I saw lots of people drop from the heat, and so many families who have lost so much there to celebrate their loved ones on this day. I'm really stiff and tired, and I'm sure swollen, but I guess things really aren't that bad.

This is such a long process. I have missed 2 testing cycles already from this injury and will miss several more before I am able to return and then learn all the new material. I have watched people test and get their new belts while I sit and watch. We used to joke about Big K being the eternal while belt, but here I am now on the eternal camo belt track. Sigh... I tell myself that this is just a hurdle in the long race of martial arts. I will get through this. I will come back to class. I will work toward my black belt. And on this day, I will be thankful for what I have.

Thursday, May 27, 2010


Today was the day! I drove again. I felt like a teenager. It has been so long since I have driven, but I have been following the PT's guidelines so strictly. The last thing I want, is to get in an accident, so I have waited like she said until I felt safe enough to have my daughter in the car with me driving. I felt good today and it was time to give it a try. No problem. I can move fast enough and with enough power to hit the brakes in case of an emergency. Woohoo!

I am starting to feel alot better. I'm walking pretty well at this point without crutches, although I'm still working on planting with the injured leg as straight as the "good" one. Flexion was 146 degrees without a lot of stress. We've added shuffles, one leg ball bouncing on the trampoline, mini squats with weight, step ups with a kick, and hamstrings. Leg press single leg was at 60 lbs., negatives were at 80 lbs., and both legs were 130 lbs. I still hate lying on my belly to work my knee toward my rear. It is torture, but I have to say that am seeing it's benefits.

The other new thing this week is that I'm spitting stitches. It is really gross, but I'm told that it is a normal part of the healing process for some people. After I got the stitches out, I thought that was it. I thought the couple spots that were bleeding would heal up and I would be able to start working the scar, but no. As we worked on the scar, I started to see what almost looked like a blood blister show up. Then one day as I got out of the shower and toweled off, I noticed a little piece of something sticking out. I pulled the little piece and saw that it was a stitch. The first of three so far that have decided that my knee was not the place for them. I would really like for the stitch spitting to finish and to get on with the healing process. I must say that they are a pain, but I'm happy to be making progress. I feel like I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Monday, May 17, 2010

bike ride!

I had my first bike ride yesterday!! Yes, it was on the trainer in the living room, but hey I'm not picky these days! It felt so good to move and do something that I used to do before the injury. The more I rode, the better it felt and the easier the motion became. Big I was worried about how quickly I was turning the pedals over after a few minutes but I felt really good. It was the first time I was really moving and without pain since this started. It is a day to celebrate!

I flexed to 130 degrees at PT today and got the ok to use one crutch! One step closer to getting off the crutches and then driving. Things seem to be getting a little easier. Pain is still always there, but not consuming me like it was in the beginning. The PT rubbed the IT band and scar area today and it really was no fun! The IT band area was ok, but the scar felt like someone was stabbing me with a flaming dagger. Pain now, gain later? I sure hope so!! I am gaining strength slowly but surely, but still showing the atrophy pretty bad. The goal is to develop strength while keeping swelling down. No small task, but I'm doing my best.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

baby steps

What a strange turn of events this is for me. I am getting ready to move the bike and trainer up stairs to the living room. For years I have ridden and even raced on the road and off road. I always hated the trainer. It was boring. Now, I can't wait to get it set up. It has become strangely exciting and welcome. Something that is a link to my "normal" life before this injury. The fact that I may not be able to complete a full pedal stroke until the end of my 15 minute "ride" is ok. A challenge that I will overcome, like that first ride of the season. The one where I always wonder why I let myself get that "out of shape" over the winter. I hope for the same transformation as the spring progresses this year. A noticeable gain in fitness and ability. A series of baby steps back to my "normal".

Saturday, May 15, 2010

why now?

Little I came home from school on Thursday telling me that one of the kids in her class threw up in the lunch room. Oh joy. So when she wakes up Friday morning complaining of her tummy hurting I'm dreading the possibility of some sort of stomach bug finding it's way into our house. Do I send her to school? Keep her home? Big K has a business meeting that he can't get out of and I still can't drive, so we decide to keep her home. After a few hours, she is feeling great, and I'm wondering why I'm not. I love spending time with Little I, but 2 weeks post op with an angry tummy doesn't make for a very happy day. What a trooper she is though. Getting me water and really anything else I need. She asks me "are you going to cry?" and I seriously ponder the question, but tell her a cheery "I don't think so". After a long night, I think I'm breaking through. I hope I'm breaking through! So far no throwing up, and I'm hoping it stays that way!

I feel like my progress on my knee was going well until this. I flexed to 122 degrees and was starting to do some leg press and unsupported mini squats. I was making lots of progress on the bike, actually making full pedal strokes, and I feel like being stuck in the bed is erasing all of that hard work. I'm trying to do as much as I can in the bed without encouraging other issues. I am so ready to feel normal again!!