time scheduled

Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday morning at 7:30, and I have to be there by 6:15, which means I have to leave the house at 5:45. I'm so excited about that! I guess I'll get up at 5:00 to shower with my cool anti-microbial soap and put on my cozy clothes. It's not like I have to worry about eating breakfast...

I am really glad surgery is scheduled for the morning, but that time of the morning has caused a bit of a wrinkle in things for the family. This is one of those times that I really miss having family in town. You can't just ask a friend to wake up at that hour of the morning to get your child up, fed and on the bus when they have their own children to wrangle in the morning. At this point, it looks like Little I is going with us to the hospital and hanging out with Big K. Maybe being there will help with her anxiety about the procedure. She keeps asking when the surgery is and I know that she is worried about the unknown. I am happy to be so close to being on the road to real recovery even though I know it will get much harder before it gets easier. There is a certain amount of comfort in the fact that it will be "fixed".

Going through the checklist:
anointing of the sick, check
special soap, check
comfy clothes, check
ice pack cooler thing, check
books and movies, check
extra pillows, check
Tylenol, aspirin and vitamin C, check
prunes, check
new ACL...

Crap...

Well, it's been awhile. Let's catch up...

The transition program is going well. I am progressing nicely with my exercises although I have a new knee issue that has decided to make itself known. Crap! I was starting to feel pretty strong, although still unstable. Walking was becoming easier and my ROM was improving. My heal was coming off of the ground when straightening my leg and I can see my quad engaging. Yeah! A great way to go into surgery. I survived the research study with no problems (more about this later) and was looking forward to getting well. I started to feel this sticking sensation in my knee at the extreme ends of the ROM. Interesting. "It could be the ACL ball getting caught up or it could be a meniscus issue that was missed on the MRI" is what the pre-op nurse and my PT say. Then it started to get caught up and hurt. Hummm... no nerves left in the ACL to create pain, so it is looking a lot like the meniscus. Crap! It is amazing how something so little can change your mood. I knew that this was a possibility as the surgeon had it already listed on the surgical form, but..., but CRAP! I feel like I am moving backward. My exercises are going along ok, but the pain is really bothering me because it is hindering my extension. This is one of the most important pre-op skills. Crap.

All of the whys start coming into my mind. I can't change what happened and I am in charge of how I react to things. I'm working on my reaction right now! I'm frustrated and tired, but know that surgery is right around the corner. I think that is part of what makes it so hard. It is the start of making things better, but to get better they are going to have to get worse first. Crap. Starting over on crutches, with exercises, with everything. Crap.

It will make me stronger. I will appreciate the little things more. I will show determination and persevere. We were watching the deadliest warrior on TV the other day and they were talking about how you need to feel hunger to understand the hungry, experience pain to understand suffering, etc. This has reminded me of that once again. It will make me stronger and I will persevere (or I will fake it until I make it : ))!

Happy Easter

The transition program at the cube started out with a bang! Suzi kicked my butt on Thursday! I was sore on Friday everywhere but my knee, which felt great. We added hamstring curls, more leg press, and side shuffling. The foam was added to the medicine ball trampoline exercise too. It feels good to be making progress, but at the same time it is frustrating because I know I'll be starting all over again after surgery.

I went into the weekend feeling good and am now sitting here icing my swollen knee and feeling a little cranky. We had a great Easter with family in town. I was able to take it easy, but overdid it a bit. A day of baking lead to a 2 hour long nap which I was very thankful for! I slept through all kinds of noise and comings and goings of people in the house, right in the very middle of it. I don't think I have ever slept that soundly. My mom is the kitchen cleaning house elf, and made things very easy for me over the weekend. Isabella loves playing with Grandma and Pap Pap. They left this morning and I was on my own with a 6 year old on spring break. I ended up spending way too much time on my feet and now have a very sore and swollen knee. I am exhausted and humbled by how fragile the body can be at times. I am praying for the strength to get us all through this week unbroken and happy. I am going to need a vacation after this week of spring break for sure!

surgery scheduled

My appointment with the surgeon went well today. He seems like a nice enough guy who I'm sure has done thousands of ACL surgeries. I know for sure he did 4 last week alone. He has recommended that I go ahead with the surgery since I am an active person who enjoys activities that involve running, jumping, turning etc. We talked about the different options available for the "new" ACL. "Dead guy" as MB calls it, is not his first choice because of my activity level and its higher failure rate. I can't say that I was really disappointed about that, as the thought of "dead guy" did not sound very appealing to me! He did a very good job of going through the process of explaining why he made the recommendations he did. So, it looks like we are going with the patellar tendon and have a surgery date set for April 28th.

PT is going well. I am going onto the "transition" program which is the "insurance only gives me 20 PT visits per year and I'm going to need them post op" program. It allows me to develop a plan with my PT and work out there at the Cube on an "independent" program. She is happy with my progress and thinks it will be fine. I am almost equal on extension and was able to flex to 135 degrees today. I added the leg press to my list of exercises along with a balancing exercise where I throw a medicine ball against a trampoline thing and catch it. It feels so good to be making progress and start doing some normal activities again. I get tired fast though, and don't have a lot of muscular endurance back yet. This means that things are really falling apart at home since I can only do bits at a time and can't move like normal yet. I can push all the dirty clothes down the stairs, but can't wash them and fold them as fast as they accumulate. Getting them back up the stairs after they are folded, is out of the question. Isabella has really been a helper, but is 6 and leaves EVERYTHING out all over the place. I can't pick it all up and don't have the energy to make her do it either. It looks like someone robbed us!

So far, so good on the PT front. The physical therapist is happy with my progress so far. We are working on straightening the leg and getting the swelling down. Bending is getting better too. I went from 105 degrees on my own to almost 120 degrees last week. I am anxiously awaiting the meeting with the surgeon on Tuesday. So much is up in the air until then. It is really nice to feel some of the strength coming back and know that we are making progress.

MRI results

Well the MRI has spoken and the last word is...meniscus ok, but the ACL is completely torn. I am thankful that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. At least now, I know where I am and can start working toward getting better. I had my first day of PT yesterday and while it hurt, it felt really good to know that I was starting to do something to help the situation. There is already a noticeable difference in the size of my right quad compared to the left, but I'm now able to work to fix that. The electrical stim machine helped reteach the quad to fire.

I have a consultation scheduled with a surgeon on Tuesday and we'll see what he says...

MRI

MRI this morning at 7:30 am, but had to be there at 7:00. It is nice being scheduled first thing. I was actually taken in a little early and out of there by 7:50. I asked my tech how things looked, but he wouldn't crack. : /. They said that the images would be in the system in about an hour and they would be read today. The doctor should call in a couple days. I think I'll be checking in later today to ask about PT. Maybe I can get some info then. Until then, I wait some more...