time scheduled

Surgery is scheduled for Wednesday morning at 7:30, and I have to be there by 6:15, which means I have to leave the house at 5:45. I'm so excited about that! I guess I'll get up at 5:00 to shower with my cool anti-microbial soap and put on my cozy clothes. It's not like I have to worry about eating breakfast...

I am really glad surgery is scheduled for the morning, but that time of the morning has caused a bit of a wrinkle in things for the family. This is one of those times that I really miss having family in town. You can't just ask a friend to wake up at that hour of the morning to get your child up, fed and on the bus when they have their own children to wrangle in the morning. At this point, it looks like Little I is going with us to the hospital and hanging out with Big K. Maybe being there will help with her anxiety about the procedure. She keeps asking when the surgery is and I know that she is worried about the unknown. I am happy to be so close to being on the road to real recovery even though I know it will get much harder before it gets easier. There is a certain amount of comfort in the fact that it will be "fixed".

Going through the checklist:
anointing of the sick, check
special soap, check
comfy clothes, check
ice pack cooler thing, check
books and movies, check
extra pillows, check
Tylenol, aspirin and vitamin C, check
prunes, check
new ACL...

Crap...

Well, it's been awhile. Let's catch up...

The transition program is going well. I am progressing nicely with my exercises although I have a new knee issue that has decided to make itself known. Crap! I was starting to feel pretty strong, although still unstable. Walking was becoming easier and my ROM was improving. My heal was coming off of the ground when straightening my leg and I can see my quad engaging. Yeah! A great way to go into surgery. I survived the research study with no problems (more about this later) and was looking forward to getting well. I started to feel this sticking sensation in my knee at the extreme ends of the ROM. Interesting. "It could be the ACL ball getting caught up or it could be a meniscus issue that was missed on the MRI" is what the pre-op nurse and my PT say. Then it started to get caught up and hurt. Hummm... no nerves left in the ACL to create pain, so it is looking a lot like the meniscus. Crap! It is amazing how something so little can change your mood. I knew that this was a possibility as the surgeon had it already listed on the surgical form, but..., but CRAP! I feel like I am moving backward. My exercises are going along ok, but the pain is really bothering me because it is hindering my extension. This is one of the most important pre-op skills. Crap.

All of the whys start coming into my mind. I can't change what happened and I am in charge of how I react to things. I'm working on my reaction right now! I'm frustrated and tired, but know that surgery is right around the corner. I think that is part of what makes it so hard. It is the start of making things better, but to get better they are going to have to get worse first. Crap. Starting over on crutches, with exercises, with everything. Crap.

It will make me stronger. I will appreciate the little things more. I will show determination and persevere. We were watching the deadliest warrior on TV the other day and they were talking about how you need to feel hunger to understand the hungry, experience pain to understand suffering, etc. This has reminded me of that once again. It will make me stronger and I will persevere (or I will fake it until I make it : ))!

Happy Easter

The transition program at the cube started out with a bang! Suzi kicked my butt on Thursday! I was sore on Friday everywhere but my knee, which felt great. We added hamstring curls, more leg press, and side shuffling. The foam was added to the medicine ball trampoline exercise too. It feels good to be making progress, but at the same time it is frustrating because I know I'll be starting all over again after surgery.

I went into the weekend feeling good and am now sitting here icing my swollen knee and feeling a little cranky. We had a great Easter with family in town. I was able to take it easy, but overdid it a bit. A day of baking lead to a 2 hour long nap which I was very thankful for! I slept through all kinds of noise and comings and goings of people in the house, right in the very middle of it. I don't think I have ever slept that soundly. My mom is the kitchen cleaning house elf, and made things very easy for me over the weekend. Isabella loves playing with Grandma and Pap Pap. They left this morning and I was on my own with a 6 year old on spring break. I ended up spending way too much time on my feet and now have a very sore and swollen knee. I am exhausted and humbled by how fragile the body can be at times. I am praying for the strength to get us all through this week unbroken and happy. I am going to need a vacation after this week of spring break for sure!