Crap...

Well, it's been awhile. Let's catch up...

The transition program is going well. I am progressing nicely with my exercises although I have a new knee issue that has decided to make itself known. Crap! I was starting to feel pretty strong, although still unstable. Walking was becoming easier and my ROM was improving. My heal was coming off of the ground when straightening my leg and I can see my quad engaging. Yeah! A great way to go into surgery. I survived the research study with no problems (more about this later) and was looking forward to getting well. I started to feel this sticking sensation in my knee at the extreme ends of the ROM. Interesting. "It could be the ACL ball getting caught up or it could be a meniscus issue that was missed on the MRI" is what the pre-op nurse and my PT say. Then it started to get caught up and hurt. Hummm... no nerves left in the ACL to create pain, so it is looking a lot like the meniscus. Crap! It is amazing how something so little can change your mood. I knew that this was a possibility as the surgeon had it already listed on the surgical form, but..., but CRAP! I feel like I am moving backward. My exercises are going along ok, but the pain is really bothering me because it is hindering my extension. This is one of the most important pre-op skills. Crap.

All of the whys start coming into my mind. I can't change what happened and I am in charge of how I react to things. I'm working on my reaction right now! I'm frustrated and tired, but know that surgery is right around the corner. I think that is part of what makes it so hard. It is the start of making things better, but to get better they are going to have to get worse first. Crap. Starting over on crutches, with exercises, with everything. Crap.

It will make me stronger. I will appreciate the little things more. I will show determination and persevere. We were watching the deadliest warrior on TV the other day and they were talking about how you need to feel hunger to understand the hungry, experience pain to understand suffering, etc. This has reminded me of that once again. It will make me stronger and I will persevere (or I will fake it until I make it : ))!